What separates the perfect from the dreadful? Often nothing more than how we view it.
I recently returned from visiting my son in Colorado. Because we’re both hiking enthusiasts, we decided to drive a couple of hours northwest of Denver to Rocky Mountain National Park.
It turned out to be a perfect day.
Writing about the outing later reminded me how the lens of perception shapes our experience.
I first became aware of this years ago while helping women during labor and delivery as a birth doula. Often, clients would ask in our prep meetings, “What makes for a satisfying birth experience? Is it an unmedicated labor? Waiting to get the epidural until I’m six centimeters dilated? Avoiding a C-section?”
Any of those things, I would say. And the opposite of all of them.
On paper, two labors might be identical.
Same length. Same use of pain medication at the same time. Same challenges and complications. Yet one new mother emerges ecstatic and empowered while the other looks back on the experience as harrowing and traumatic.
The difference was not the facts but an individual’s desires coupled with her perception of the facts. Did a woman feel she had agency in making decisions? Did her partner and loved ones affirm her choices? Did she feel supported?
So it went with my son and our day of hiking.
Every moment, every experience, presents the gift of choosing how we will perceive and respond to it.
I could have seen waiting in a line of traffic at the park entrance as an irritating delay. Instead, I chose to see it as bonus time with my son.
When slush impeded our intention to hike several miles on the Continental Divide Trail, I decided this was an opportunity to find a better trail that might offer an opportunity to dunk our hot feet in a cool mountain stream.
When the stream, which we thought we had identified on the map, failed to materialize, I chose to focus attention on the beauty of the Alpine meadows dotted with wildflowers, the whisper of wind in the pine boughs, and the white clouds in the blue, blue sky.
As a writer, you can make choices like this with every word, every sentence, every paragraph.
You can employ the power of your perception to create precisely the emotional experience you want your reader to have. The details you notice and describe about your characters’ world, about the way each interprets the same reality, speaks volumes.
To one character, a hotel’s miniature rooms might appear cramped; to another, charming. A partner’s snoring might be irritating, or it might be an endearing reminder of a long-lasting bond. The same unpredicted rain that foils an outing could provoke anger or bring gratitude for a day of reading by the fire.
Even suffering, the Buddhists attest, can be alleviated by shifting our perception.
The cause of our suffering is not what we do but the way we perceive, and until this obstacle is addressed, all actions of body, speech, and mind will predictably reinforce our old perceptions of self and other, problem and solution, and limitation and freedom.
– Rodney Smith, “Undivided Mind”
So: are you having a good day or a bad day? Is the hotel dumpy or elegant? Are your partner’s snores irritating or endearing? Is the rain lashing the window a nuisance or a godsend?
I invite you to play with your authorial authority to flip the script.
Reverse the mirror. See the world from both sides now, to quote Joni Mitchell. Try it with a scene or a chapter.
I did, by writing two versions of the account of my day with my son. BYTS members can read both versions here. If you’re not yet a member, you can join our online writers’ community for free!
And if you want to read more about what we can learn from the parallels between laboring and other physical and emotional challenges, see
Patience. Perseverance. Persistence.
My Life in 28 Pounds
Summer is the time for dreams!
You may know that my BYTS community co-founder Jennifer and I have been friends since childhood. Some of our fondest shared memories are of long summer days together in rural New York state. We explored the woods, climbed trees, and picked berries. We swam in the pond until our fingers and toes became prunes. When forced onto dry land, we stretched out on lawn chairs to read. And, of course, we wrote, filling countless notebooks with stories.
The two of us in our favorite apple tree.
That’s why I’m so excited about the writing workshop Jennifer is offering on July 9.
Dreaming Away will transport you back to childhood realms of fantasy and play, where anything was possible and your imagination knew no boundaries.
Relive the excitement of stretching your youthful wings as you began to sense your power to manifest your dreams as a young adult. Explore the sustaining flow of your constantly shifting dreams and realities as an adult.
Jennifer’s lively online writing workshop will invite you to probe the porous boundaries between dream and reality that are always open for alchemical exploration in memoir, fiction and real life, when you give yourself the freedom to dream away!
DATE: Sunday, July 9
TIME: 11am-12:30pm ET/8-9:30am PT
COST: $24.99
Give your fiction some love…
…grab one of the two remaining spots in our July Fiction Writing Intensive!
Are you writing short stories, flash fiction, or a novel?
Do you want feedback on your work? A sustained period of time to concentrate on generating and revising material?
If yes, then consider joining our four-week Fiction Writing Intensive!
A small group will meet for feedback and discussion of works-in-progress. Writers will have time to read and receive feedback in each meeting. The weekly schedule means you can maintain momentum and make satisfying progress... not to mention have fun! And having an eager group of listeners awaiting your next installment can be quite motivating.
The two-hour sessions will take place on four Mondays in July, beginning July 10 at 9am PT/12pm ET. Cost: $149 for 4 sessions.